Chapter 35~~2 MonTHs AnniVerSarY

The day that i muz remember full of sadness, dissapointed, all my confidence suddenly gone..how can i find them bek?can u tell me how can i do?yes i agreed as what u said i am selfish person always juz think of myself without think of other ppl feeling..i do really to work hard and think about how can i make u happy..i know u r hardworking and bz for ur work sometimes but i do planned to do a small gift or small surprise for our monthly anniversary..i tried my best to use all my creativity to think about wut i done every month..my latest finished small gift was photo scrap book which i planned and think for so long time only got tis idea to come out of tis thing..when i gave it to u..ur reaction was~~no feeling i think..the thank you also need i asked from u...result from that my hard work cant make u happy and surprise i am failed in this way~~now i odi feel lazy and don have such motivation to continue to do some small action or surpise or small gift..coz i think all my hard work juz will be a rubbish~~i am unhappy yesterday is not that u r late but is combined of a lot of things suddenly appeared in my mind..i think tis week my hormon was unbalancing..i can cry for three times within a week i really break my own record u know...i hate myself how come i can become so weak juz a small minor thing can easily make me cry...i wanna be more brave and strong..i told u wut is the reason that yesterday i will feel so upset: east coast, bangkok, swimming, yesterday...tis the 4 main incident..east coast ~tat day i was cycling with my fren in east coast when we rent for the bicycle i odi told u that the time i will finished..u said ok u will come over to fetch me on tat day if not mistaken it was 6pm or 6.15pm..when i finished it my fren's fren was fetching my fren bek home then my fren was asking me the question how come ur bf will let u wait alone here look like not gentleman.tat time i really don know how to asnwer her..u told me u r juz on the way and traffic jammed...u will reaching there more than 7.30pm..1st time fine i also don wan become so small gas juz coz of tis thing i angry u for so long time..juz forget it...2nd time when i was going bangkok with my sis..i odi told u the time that we will arriving in changi airport..when i called u..wut u answer me?u said oh u arrive odi ar ok i will going to fetch u now..if i not call tat time u still don wanna come to fetch us..3rd times tat day u asked me to wait for u..round 7pm u will be came over to fetch me so we can go swimming together..i said ok i will wait for u..but then u come on around 7.30pm u said u still need to return car to the owner..i was cancelling the swimming coz i don think we still can make it after u returned the car coz it was kinda late odi...yesterday u asked me to call u after i reached the hotel actually i was reaching there around 6pm but i forgot to call u ...when 7.15pm i juz called u and told u that i odi reached there..around 8.35pm the situation look like odi the time for us to go bek so i juz called u saying tat i wanna went bek odi asked u stand by..when nearly 9.15pm all my colls went bek odi and my boss wife also finished the payment so i don wanna disturb them so i asked them to go bek 1st coz i said u r juz around tis area v fast will reaching odi..so i called u again u said now u r on the way fetching ur customer bek to the hotel near the bedok area..so i said will wait u in the taxi stand there..i was boring and lonely waiting so i juz find some frens and called them chit chat~~1 min 1 min juz passed through end up i odi waited u more than 1 hr...u told me i didnt inform u early maybe half an hour before i am going bek but then u know tat 1 is my company dinner not tat i said wanna go bek then go bek i cant make the decision for it i need to follow all the ppls..i also scare that if i asked u come early then will be wait me for so long i don wan u wait so long for me...like prevoius time..u said wanna fetch me to jb after 1pm when i finished working u called me that u r juz near my house so i was rushing bek and quickly took some clothing and go down my house's downstair..when i called u for more than 3 times u didnt pick up..i waited n waited finally u called me bek said that still need 5 mins juz can reached..u know juz coz of u i simply pick some clothing and rushing to wait for u..i didnt took bath...tat time i also scare let u wait for me long time..tis also called selfish?can u teach me what i can do?really feel so hard, dissapointed and sad u know??i really don know wut i can do to make myself happy~i feel that u never put my word in ur mind..i keep on remind u for so many times but did u follow what i asked u to do?c the doc and take medicine have u done it?u juz flash bek ur memory i met u for so many times but got how many times is u wait for me and how many times u come on time?said wut wanna to make me happy everyday all bullshit cant even to do it...as what i said if u got 100%confirm then only u can make a promise if u don have 100% so pls don simply make a promise i hate the ppl that always make a promise but end up cant make or achieve it...u know tis will make me lost all my trust in u...u think i can still believe to what u said?i really hate tis kind of feeling i also wanna try to forgive u and make myself happy but my heart was really painful..yes u r right yesterday u r not going to play or wut juz coz of customer but then can u juz tell me early ask me to go bek myself?i am not forcing u muz come n fetch me..i admit i will feel dissapointed if u said u cant fetch me but at least better than i waited for so long..i am not tat kind of patient ppl...my patient had limit..i don like to wait..i wan tis word come out from my dictionary..i don wanna to wait for next time..i hate it..i hate it...u said sometimes u will forget that wut u had promised to me need i remind bek only u can remember..promise to me u also can forget then if longer a bit i think my face u also can forget..like promise to go anywhere i still can remind u but not all the things that i can remind u..something need urself to remember only have the meaning if need i remind u although finally u can done it but i also feel not meaningful odi..i also agree as what u said last sun incident tat make u feel that i really start to love u more..after tat incident i also realised i am really love u if i don love u i also wont care for the msg..u know i am trying and work hard to build up my confidence, love and trust on u..but u keep on to destroy it~~i really feel dissapointed~i will trying to make myself happy so pls be don worry i will be fine after tis..i need to keep my mood and hormon balance bek..i cant continue like tat juz wanna to express my feeling~~i hope that u do understand~~