Chapter 36~~WeEkEnD WiThOuT DD

Another weekend was passed~~tiring need to start work again..last sat we were going to sing k for the celebration of August fren's b'day.1st time i been there'da zui ba' the environment was not bad but then i still prefer sing k in neway..DD was fetching me to jb in the evening..he still cough badly.still don wanna to look for the doc..bad DD wanna make me worried about him again..i keep on forcing him to take the medicine coz if i am not doing that i don think DD will took it automatically..DD was making me angry last few day so i gave him a big punishment tat was bought me an iphone..he got no choice odi promised to buy it to me..thanks DD 1st~~tml DD cant accompanied to go everywhere coz he need to entertain his customer and need to bring them go around the msia..my sunday look like a bit weird coz 1st time DD didnt accompany me on sun i don know how i passed through..whole day juz follow my sis go here n there and went for badminton too..DD was calling me when i was in jusco~~actually he planned to bring his customer to melaka but then he changed his mind coz he said melaka seem like nth can do so he brought them to kl..he said he odi reached kl and will be went bek on nite time didnt overnight there..i was going bek spore by my fren's car..when i reached spore i planned to call DD wanna tell him that i was safely reached spore odi let him don worried for me but he didnt pick up my call~~after a while he was calling bek to me asked me it is i was missing him tat y i called him..i answer him no juz wanna to inform him i am safely reached spore..actually i do miss DD too juz i don wanna to tell him through the phone..DD sure will feel so weird coz he always complaining that i never wan to call him at least got something but yesterday i odi done so juz call for nothing~

Chapter 35~~2 MonTHs AnniVerSarY

The day that i muz remember full of sadness, dissapointed, all my confidence suddenly gone..how can i find them bek?can u tell me how can i do?yes i agreed as what u said i am selfish person always juz think of myself without think of other ppl feeling..i do really to work hard and think about how can i make u happy..i know u r hardworking and bz for ur work sometimes but i do planned to do a small gift or small surprise for our monthly anniversary..i tried my best to use all my creativity to think about wut i done every month..my latest finished small gift was photo scrap book which i planned and think for so long time only got tis idea to come out of tis thing..when i gave it to u..ur reaction was~~no feeling i think..the thank you also need i asked from u...result from that my hard work cant make u happy and surprise i am failed in this way~~now i odi feel lazy and don have such motivation to continue to do some small action or surpise or small gift..coz i think all my hard work juz will be a rubbish~~i am unhappy yesterday is not that u r late but is combined of a lot of things suddenly appeared in my mind..i think tis week my hormon was unbalancing..i can cry for three times within a week i really break my own record u know...i hate myself how come i can become so weak juz a small minor thing can easily make me cry...i wanna be more brave and strong..i told u wut is the reason that yesterday i will feel so upset: east coast, bangkok, swimming, yesterday...tis the 4 main incident..east coast ~tat day i was cycling with my fren in east coast when we rent for the bicycle i odi told u that the time i will finished..u said ok u will come over to fetch me on tat day if not mistaken it was 6pm or 6.15pm..when i finished it my fren's fren was fetching my fren bek home then my fren was asking me the question how come ur bf will let u wait alone here look like not gentleman.tat time i really don know how to asnwer her..u told me u r juz on the way and traffic jammed...u will reaching there more than 7.30pm..1st time fine i also don wan become so small gas juz coz of tis thing i angry u for so long time..juz forget it...2nd time when i was going bangkok with my sis..i odi told u the time that we will arriving in changi airport..when i called u..wut u answer me?u said oh u arrive odi ar ok i will going to fetch u now..if i not call tat time u still don wanna come to fetch us..3rd times tat day u asked me to wait for u..round 7pm u will be came over to fetch me so we can go swimming together..i said ok i will wait for u..but then u come on around 7.30pm u said u still need to return car to the owner..i was cancelling the swimming coz i don think we still can make it after u returned the car coz it was kinda late odi...yesterday u asked me to call u after i reached the hotel actually i was reaching there around 6pm but i forgot to call u ...when 7.15pm i juz called u and told u that i odi reached there..around 8.35pm the situation look like odi the time for us to go bek so i juz called u saying tat i wanna went bek odi asked u stand by..when nearly 9.15pm all my colls went bek odi and my boss wife also finished the payment so i don wanna disturb them so i asked them to go bek 1st coz i said u r juz around tis area v fast will reaching odi..so i called u again u said now u r on the way fetching ur customer bek to the hotel near the bedok area..so i said will wait u in the taxi stand there..i was boring and lonely waiting so i juz find some frens and called them chit chat~~1 min 1 min juz passed through end up i odi waited u more than 1 hr...u told me i didnt inform u early maybe half an hour before i am going bek but then u know tat 1 is my company dinner not tat i said wanna go bek then go bek i cant make the decision for it i need to follow all the ppls..i also scare that if i asked u come early then will be wait me for so long i don wan u wait so long for me...like prevoius time..u said wanna fetch me to jb after 1pm when i finished working u called me that u r juz near my house so i was rushing bek and quickly took some clothing and go down my house's downstair..when i called u for more than 3 times u didnt pick up..i waited n waited finally u called me bek said that still need 5 mins juz can reached..u know juz coz of u i simply pick some clothing and rushing to wait for u..i didnt took bath...tat time i also scare let u wait for me long time..tis also called selfish?can u teach me what i can do?really feel so hard, dissapointed and sad u know??i really don know wut i can do to make myself happy~i feel that u never put my word in ur mind..i keep on remind u for so many times but did u follow what i asked u to do?c the doc and take medicine have u done it?u juz flash bek ur memory i met u for so many times but got how many times is u wait for me and how many times u come on time?said wut wanna to make me happy everyday all bullshit cant even to do it...as what i said if u got 100%confirm then only u can make a promise if u don have 100% so pls don simply make a promise i hate the ppl that always make a promise but end up cant make or achieve it...u know tis will make me lost all my trust in u...u think i can still believe to what u said?i really hate tis kind of feeling i also wanna try to forgive u and make myself happy but my heart was really painful..yes u r right yesterday u r not going to play or wut juz coz of customer but then can u juz tell me early ask me to go bek myself?i am not forcing u muz come n fetch me..i admit i will feel dissapointed if u said u cant fetch me but at least better than i waited for so long..i am not tat kind of patient ppl...my patient had limit..i don like to wait..i wan tis word come out from my dictionary..i don wanna to wait for next time..i hate it..i hate it...u said sometimes u will forget that wut u had promised to me need i remind bek only u can remember..promise to me u also can forget then if longer a bit i think my face u also can forget..like promise to go anywhere i still can remind u but not all the things that i can remind u..something need urself to remember only have the meaning if need i remind u although finally u can done it but i also feel not meaningful odi..i also agree as what u said last sun incident tat make u feel that i really start to love u more..after tat incident i also realised i am really love u if i don love u i also wont care for the msg..u know i am trying and work hard to build up my confidence, love and trust on u..but u keep on to destroy it~~i really feel dissapointed~i will trying to make myself happy so pls be don worry i will be fine after tis..i need to keep my mood and hormon balance bek..i cant continue like tat juz wanna to express my feeling~~i hope that u do understand~~

Chapter 34~~NiGhT SaFaRi

As promising, DD was bringing me to night safari yesterday..although he was very tired when he came to fetch me up in swimming pool there..i also think that it wask inda late odi planned to cancel asked him to go on the other day but then he insisted wanna to go on tat day coz promised to someone odi don wanna to change again..finally DD was going to achieve his promise to me~~well done DD..i reached there around 8 plus can saw the show which was juz started not longer time..it was some show juz same like the cowboy village 1 which the adoriginal play the fire wood~~quite nice show..after the show we headed to take the train~~not tat special and interesting for the night safari as my expectation a bit dissapointed but luckily DD was going with me..after the night safari the day was kinda late nearly 10 plus DD was bringing me to eat the taiwan porridge..yum yum~~DD was cough again..a few days odi still cant recover maybe DD need to stop smoking for temporary coz if cough DD still continue smoking it will make it worst~DD always forgot to take the medicine that i bought always need i keep on remind repeating only that he will remember that..i know the taste was bad but no choice la..like chinese sentence' bad taste good medicine'..Early morning i odi received call from him..he started to make report to me..he said he was happy coz i started to love and care him more..even though he strike the toto also not tat happy~~DD read my blog in the morning and he said sorry to me coz the last sun incident~he promised me will make me happy everyday~~Thanks DD for the night safari trip~~

Chapter 33~~SuSpeCtiNG

Last weekend got something happened make me not so happy?maybe i am too small gas or think too much odi~~i really choose to believe DD but my mind wont allowed me to do so keep on thinking~~not only the msg that make me suspect for something...from last time when i saw a comment in the DD friendster profile.it was wrote by someone saying that happy anniversary BB~~i tot it was long time ago comment but then i saw the date is juz recently posted after i know DD so i asked DD who r she?he told me tat is a long time not contact fren so i juz ignored it coz i choose to believe~~after i saw the msg in DD' phone actually not tat msg problem but is the recipient's name DD give her name as Love BB~DD was panic at the time quickly took bek his phone i feel that weird it is any secret that cant let me know or scare i saw something that i cant see~~so i purposely to ask him to double confirm for the account number and asked him to give the hp again but he refused to do so juz check by himself..from that time i confirmed that something was not right..not tat i don wan to believe but it really make me got no confident to believe~~how come i so hardworking to build up the confidence but suddenly all gone..really feel sad~my tear going to drop when DD asked me the incident but i still can control for that time..he asked me don simply think so i juz followed what he said choose to forget it but then when i saw DD's laptop game appearf someone name same like the friendster comment tat girl name~tis time i really start to think more about it~it was the passed story how come DD still never deleted it or maybe i should believe wut DD said..i really don know how to do for the next?i really wanna said out but don have the courage to do so~~am i too weak?drag until the next day when we finished our movie in tebrau city~~DD suggested to go expo coz he wanna go the pc fair so i agreed with that..on the way i said i got something wan to ask him but when the word odi in the mouth but i don have courage to say out~~he kept on asked me to say so i said regarding to the msg..he said wut i wanna to know or wanna him to do only i can believe him?tis time my tear really cant control automatically drop down..DD start to panic and his mood spoil coz of me..he said don wanna went tat pc fair odi since i got no mood to walk but i insisted that wanna accompany him to go coz tat was my promised to him that i will accompaying him to go pc fair so not matter how sad and how bad mood i am i muz go with him...tat was my principle i muz followed..nowadays DD start to make report to me when he is not together with me wanna to make me don anyhow suspect and simply think~~i know DD always care n love me so much but then sometimes i also will anyhow thinking..is this coz lack of security?

Chapter 32~~FuTurE

Did I really need to think of our future?I tell you the truth actually i do think on it but then i really scare that i will make the wrong decision or choose the wrong person u know?It is i am lack sense of security?i still cant confirmed it is u r the one tat will be together with me till the end of my life..ppl always said 'woman always scare married to the wrong person'it was right..i strongly agree with it that y i will feel scare when facing tis question but it still really too fast for me to make such decision..still long time for me to get marry..i never think that i will marry early coz in my plan the earliest also need wait until 28 years old tat mean still have 3 years time to go..i scare i don have freedom after tis stilll wanna to enjoy more it was not the correct time to bind together or go in graves..Last night coz of tis incident that make DD unhappy and my mood also follow it down~~when i suggested to surf net in mcd that near my house one then DD was agreed on me..when he started to on his laptop..the speed was super slow don know wut happen to the wireless..maybe the mcd internet speed was slow..he was starting angry and not be patient keep on scolding on it..i felt very down tat time u know?i asked him to stop it better than don use it..can u be patient a bit?u know i really don like you always angry on something is juz bcoz of the patient juz like last time when we were going to the genting while waiting for the hotel check in u also like that..can u be patient a bit so that u wont so easy to get angry.if u always angry also not good for ur health u know?can u pls live happily juz like me..as wut u said last nite i was always live happily..I really hope u can live happily without any stress and stay healthy always that was the much more important thing in our life..i know it was a bit difficult for u to live happily without stress coz i know u got a lot of thing to think about but can u pls try to do it?

Chapter 31~~SMiLe ALwAyS

A few days i didnt blog here...start lazy to do blogging odi although my own blog i also seldom updated..last time i used to update everyday...1 week juz passed odi happy and unhappy day gone~~moody last week i don know y keep on showing DD my black face and influenced his mood..sorry DD i am not purposely wanna to do tat..maybe u r right i felt myself was selfish sometimes didnt think of other DD's feeling and condition juz simply angry or mad on DD..i will try my best not to dissapoint DD and i will happy and smile always when meet up with DD so that u also can have a good mood when see me~~DD said i am cool last few days he also don know how to make me happy~~Last saturday i was planning to go my sis' house after work coz they having the steamboat dinner then asked us to join together..DD promised wanna fetch me go after tis..he called me in the morning saying that will be fetched me up after 1pm so when 1pm he called me again said that he was juz near my house and 1.30pm will be reached there n fetched me up so i quickly rush bek home and juz simply pick up some clothing and wait him in my house's downstair..in the same time i was calling him for a few times but he didn't pick up my phone and i was starting to get mad on him~~when he called me 1st time i purposely don wanna to pick up let him have the same feeling when ppl not pick up the phone..so he called me again and said still got 5 min will be reaching my place asked me to wait him at the bus stop there..after fetching me he asked me whether took my lunch odi or not?.i asked him don talk to me at the moment coz i am still angry on him..pity DD i know he will feel sad when heard it~~after settle his thing, he suggested to have some food before go in jb coz from morning until now he still haven eat something..i feel guilty DD was worrying me but i still get mad on him...when reached the food court i don feel like wan to eat but DD worried me and ordered a plate of minced pork noodle for me..really cant finished all but DD asked me to eat more and start to take the noodle in the my spoon n asked me to eat for 3 more spoons..feel warm and happy when DD was doing tis for me~~thank you DD...GG will love DD more for what ever u had done for me..DD told me a lot of his story yesterday...now i juz realized that i really don understand and know him more but i know wut is his purpose for doing this~DD pls listen to me 1 more time don put the 'hate' in mind always muz know or learn how to forgive or forget..i know it was difficult but u need to try it coz if u keep on remember in ur mind u wont feel happy always and will suffer for it~~y don u juz learn how to forget?the ppl who were doing wrong sure they will have their own 'bao ying' coz everything that we done the god will know it..i was happy when DD asked for my opinion and what ever decision that i was make he will juz listen on me..i choose to let them go DD promised me will let them go~~We were watching the where got ghost movie yesterday nite...actually we planned to watch it on last fri but tat time we cant bought any ticket for the behind seat so we canceled to watch it..luckily we reached there late yesterday but still can get the behind row seat...thanks god~~~DD bought me popcorn and drink...muacksss and love DD for what ever he had done for me..tis week DD will be bz for his work..muz remember to eat when working and take good care of urself..i will miss u too...hope DD will happy when reading my blog...

Chapter 30~~1St TrAveLLinG tO kL & GeNtiNg

Yesterday was our 2nd month we knew each other...i was bought DD the elephant and pig soft toy as what i was promised to him last time..i bought it on last fri quite rush for me to do so~~DD was fetching me to jb on fri i know he will be feel hungry so i bought the dumpling for him for some bite 1st..my sis was cooking for our dinner so v ate something before going bek to jb~~i was happy coz suddenly received a news that i can took off on sat coz start on this month i can choose 2 sat off per month~~yeah DD will bringing me to shopping in kl tml coz he wanna to send something to people so we accompanied him to settle his thing after tat only went shopping~~sg wang..DD was nice helped me to take all my stuffs and my beg too~~i know DD was tiring coz he didnt took good rest and need to use his full energy in driving from jb to kl~~pity him still need to accompany me shopping~~we really have a happy journey while in genting although when check in time odi spoil his mood i keep on consoled him and asked him to cool down~~my parent look like quite satisfied with him~~luckily he got some topic can speak with my dad n my eldest bro if not he will be feel bored when i am not around him~~i think he also happy for this trip~~yesterday night i knew he was tiring odi lazy to go out for dinner when we reached my sis's house around 9.30pm..he said wanna ordered the food delivery but then he lost the food delivery contact no..i asked him to go out ate something then i will accompanying him but then he was lazy so no choice i juz can cook the instant noodle for him..i know the noodle was not enough for him..he said nvm tml morning juz ate more~~midnite 2am smt he tot me he was hungry odi so i asked him whether wanna had some bread or biscuit but he rejected~~pity DD and today early morning need to wake up and fetch me to spore~~

Chapter 29~~MoViE dAY

Last 2 days (05.08.2009) i was going to watch movie G.I JOE with DD..actually we do not plan it at the beginning so i didnt bring the spec went out..we reached there around 7.45pm then we bought the 8.40pm movie show~~DD suggested to go bek my house to take my spec if not later i would not be see it clearly from the screen..nearly full house for the seat..only left the side seat all centre seat fully occupied if wanna the centre seat only left the front row which is 4 row from the screen..so we rather choose the side seat then the front row~~a bit rushing for our dinner coz the time was no enough so DD suggested to go bek my house 1st then later maybe juz bought the mcd~~when i brought all my things so we proceeded our way to jurong point again~~in the traffic light tat time i juz remember that i still haven took my spec i totally forgot it~~so DD make an U-turn and bek to my ohuse again~~rushing... rushing reached jurong point again on 8.30pm odi...left only 10mins for our dinner i am not tat hungry so i juz ignored for my dinner so DD bought the mcd and i suggested to have it there b4 go in cinema coz i don think we can brought it go in cinema sometimes they got do some checking before go in cinema~~DD bought me the popcorn combo of the week which is the G.I JOE combo with the free gift of hand plaster, large popcorn with 1 large cup of drink...the movie was so nice i like it~~Yesterday we were going to swimming as usual coz i odi make the schedule~~tues and thursday we were going to swimming..for mon, wed and fri i will go jogging for myself coz i don think DD will go jogging with me anymore but then as wut he said last time after 2 months time he will be jogging in front of me odi..i still waiting for his challeging..so DD pls keep on ur promise and work it out hard i don think DD got do any practicing and training tis few weeks and i wont believe that u will go in front of me..i know u r pro in swimming but then jogging i don think u will pro than me~~after swimming we went to fetch my sis coz my sis having class until 10pm then DD also went bek to jb so he will fetching my sis bek to jb~~having our late dinner consider supper odi at bukit panjang there~~famous nasi lemak..reached home 10 plus so i arranged all my clothing..too complicated for my wardore i need some time to clean and rearrange it..i juz done half way throw some stuffs that odi spoiled or unused into dustbin~~now look more tidy and less things..i will be bringing some stuffs bek to my hometown coz i don think i got enough space to keep them in my small n limited space in spore..not to forgotten i saw 1 comment from someone in DD friendster profile..someone was sending him a comment i don know wut is the purpose of that comment although it juz a few and short wording odi make me to suspect something..it is all the girl r the same always and easy suspect this and that?DD asked me don think too much or out of the box coz he also don know the incident~~he will check out for the incident..how many % that i can trust..do u know wut is meaning of BB?only the intimate fren will use this word u know or maybe it was just a joke?can u give me the answer?

Chapter 28~~SuPeR bRoOm sTaR

Really a super broom star..y everytime got tis kind thing happened..last time experience was my frens who we odi promised and confirmed to go the place but end up we canceled the whole trip juz bcoz of him but tis thing would happened again on tis time but i still feel moody coz the SBS~~don misunderstood not the SBS in spore but is the SBS people in spore..SBS stand for super broom star if u don know wut is the meaning pls tried to convert it to chinese version..don wanna to explain here anymore coz really got no mood to write here~~without u i don think got any influence although u promised to go at the beginning but now said don wan to go~~a few thinking was appearing on my mind maybe juz i think too much..wut is the next step for me?should i give up something or juz continue like tat?i don know it is the correct decision that i make?can someone teach me how can i do or give me some guidance?i think he is joking with me how can he juz left me go alone?i know he will miss me a lot if he don wanna to go together..Scary!!!DD was fierced when he was angry or scolding ppl...make me also don dare to talk to him~~Pls don always angry if not later DD will feel headache again..Accompanying DD until 12am smt he juz went bek to jb~~i was giving a short pant to DD which i bought from bangkok..i didnt bought anything for him like what he said no heart~~actually it was not coz i cant find anything tat suit him some more he asked me to buy him an elephant soft toy but i cant even to find it...so sorry DD cant get anything that u wish~~